Law & Order: Special Barry Bonds Unit

Reading that numerous names such as the Giambi brothers were going to be testifying in court for the Barry Bonds trial, I figured I'd take matters into my own hands and give myself something to write voraciously about.
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"In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories."

DUN DUN

Alright, let's be honest. We all knew he lied. Even pathological liars knew he lied or said he didn't lie (pick whichever one makes more sense to you).

We can all say that it's not easy being green and that it's good to be the king. Being a rookie sucks and being a king of something is the ultimate goal for just about anyone. However, there's always a right way and a wrong way to go about things. It's one thing to have real talent but another thing to cheat and enhance yourself synthetically. My dad always said "cheaters never win." He also said some other wise things, but they have nothing else to do with this post, so I'll just move on. Sports are a contest of skill, talent, wisdom, and even wit. Enhancing performance "not the right way" never got anyone anywhere. It gives you records, but crime doesn't pay--especially when you make the biggest, fattest, acne-covered lie about it.

For those who don't really know how it actually started and why it's beginning now, I'll help jog your memory, since God only knows that Bonds himself can't jog as fast (and as long) as I can when it comes to remembering stuff. Alright, I'll stop with the subliminal fat jokes.

DUN DUN

-- 2003 - BALCO Scandal - Bonds' personal trainer Greg Anderson was indicted for supplying anabolic steroids to numerous professional athletes, including Bonds. In order to beat drug tests, Bonds was "unknowingly given" a clear cream that was supposedly a form of flaxseed oil and balm that would treat aching joints. In defense, Bonds stated that the reason why he showed an increase in physical size was due to a change in diet/supplements and bodybuilding.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the "Little Barry" from the 90's [photo from ESPN.com], and "Biiiiig Barry" from the 2000's [photo from BET Blogs]:

 

Bodybuilding, my patoot. Strict dieting does not make your face blow up. End of aside.

-- 2006 - LIES! - As time progressed, investigations began concerning whether Bonds lied about knowing he had taken steroids, and whether these allegations were kept under the covers by teammates, various players, and even family. Meanwhile, Bonds was getting bonuses, breaking records, and making even the best pitchers feel inferior. Later on, a leaked news report from New York stated that he had tested positive for ampthetamines. Regardless, he went on to become home run king and play an additional year of baseball.

-- 2007 - Starting Rotation - In November of 2007, Bonds was indicted on numerous accounts of perjury. Many of the failed drug test papers were either hidden or skewed, and practically all media hell broke loose. This began the long process of creating a trial, a jury, and getting all of the other business together. Note guys, three years are going to pass now.

DUN DUN

Of course, since there's the not-so-funny "roid rage" concepts, such as the goofy stories of him having mistresses and they were being threatened with death and the usual stuff. Then you also get the baseball players coming out of the woodwork going, "Hey! He shot stuff up his you-know-where!--And I was giving him the shots, too!" It's getting ridiculous. Yes, he lied. No, we don't need the whole world to say it. We have the whole MLB season coming up. He's not playing anymore, so we don't need to put up with the fact that he pretty much tainted the sport because he wanted more money and he wanted to be better and more valuable than anyone else. Let's start on a clean slate and let him dig his own six-foot-deep hole.

I know this is an obvious and possibly stupid question, but why exactly did it take about three years to finally get the show on the road? It shouldn't matter whether there are technicalities or not. He slipped through the system, openly lied and pointed fingers at other players, and practically became the poster child of the still ongoing steroid-abuse scandal. He, along with several other players in that era, verbally and physically urinated on the baseball diamond, and the air of competition is thicker than pea soup because of the high standard of playing and ridiculous amount of "fitness" of players today. It's giving upcoming players false pretenses because they think they have to train and act like titans in order to get a high draft spot.

Without doubt, Bonds will be facing jail time and have his records revoked. Hey Bud, is that going to happen? Please? Okay.
Finally, I need to get this out: When you mess with the sports gods, they're going to mess with your family, your friends, your paycheck, your endorsements, and your reproductive organs.

DUN DUN!!

--AZ

The Kill-Joy of NFL

WARNING: No "happy trees" here.

So basically, this is day 5 going into day 6 of the NFL lockout, and life is rather sad for fans and players. Players are getting locked out, the NFLPA is trying to cause a ruckus, and the prospects are like, "Dude...what's going on?" Even though this case is not as scary and as life-threatening as the crisis in Japan (I'm not trying to pull a Gilbert Gottfried here, people) it's still a big deal. Athletes are out of jobs, and they may not have a season to play, and well, some people just won't know what to do on Sundays during the Fall and Winter. Amid this turmoil, they're still releasing a season schedule next month. Are things looking up just yet? Not sure.

Meanwhile, other players are trying to keep themselves busy. Chad Johnson Ochocinco is trying out for MLS with the Kansas City Wizards [EDIT - Apparently the MLS team is now called Sporting Kansas City. What? Sounds stupid, if you ask me.]. Not everybody is working in peace like this. Some players are actually rearing their ugly head at this. Some like Adrian Peterson is comparing this to slavery and that it's unfair. Why he said this I don't understand because honestly, did slaves get paid? No, although they got paid in beatings, but that's besides the point because players get beat up in some ways.

What I'm doing here is venting--venting on how (for the lack of a better word) retarded this whole players lockout is.

The behind the scenes stuff for this fallout is making me crack up. On the other hand, it looks rather childish to me. The NFLPA is coaxing prospects to boycott the draft, almost mocking the NFL officials and preventing them from completing a season and doing anything else productive. I know there's a big deal about money in this, which makes a difference here, but c'mon...you're gonna whisper into prospects' ears into not letting them play in the NFL even if an agreement is made in the near future? Please, we're not in the fifth grade. We can figure out better ways to go around this and fight to get an agreement. This kid fought for freedom and good things, you should try to do the same. Oh wait, he got slammed. Never mind. This still doesn't mean you should go around and persuade people to fuel a really bad forest fire that's eating up deals that have already been finalized.

If you didn't wait until last minute to figure something out, you wouldn't have to push things back like, two or three times. Good heavens, now we're back in college with procrastinating stuff. Okay, we might have grown up a little here, but still. You aren't getting anywhere with making excuses and fighting over budgets and being slap-happy. You're shutting out players that were looking for agreements, you're angering agents and contractors, etc. Honestly owners and the like, you make the business world look like dirt. You can't at least meet halfway with these guys? You're grown up, you should know how to compromise money. Good God, you're a part of one of the largest organized sports organizations in the world, and you can't avoid something like this? Even the MLS avoided this last year, and they haven't been around nearly as long as the NFL. Money talks, and it's telling you guys to stop being ridiculous and be fair and not split hairs. Whoa, I rhymed.

In any case, get the players back in. They're not stupid. The veterans know what needs to be done, and they're smart enough to know how to fix things up with the owners and the like. It's not fair to leave them hanging on something they're involved in. If not for them, this business will cease to grow.

Now stop being moneygrubbers and play nice.

[In short, arena football officials are loving this.]

--AZ

Honor Codes -- Leaving Room for the Holy Spirit

I never thought it would come down to this, but here is a sports-meets-religion-meets-honor code-meets-whacked out-meets-scrutiny blog post.

I would like you all to turn to your books--or webpages--to the Brigham Young University honor code.
Here, I even have the link for you: Read and Abide. Just Kidding.

Okay, did we all understand that? I did, but being a Catholic, I thought that was as extreme as being either Quaker or Amish. Anyway, what do you think happens when someone breaks these rules? Well, this is where the whole idea of the post came in.

This is a story of BYU Center Brandon Davies. A good-standing man looking to become a star in his field. Where was he at BYU's last game against New Mexico? Gone. Why? The answer may surprise you. He decided to have premarital sex with his girlfriend, and because of that he was dismissed from the team. Not only that, the team lost their chance to be a top seed in the March Madness tournament because of this incident.
Now, I can go on a full-fledged argument about this by stepping on my soapbox and flooding people with my knowledge of religion and how there's separation of church and state and that there should be a set code of ethics in the world of college sports. I won't be doing this. Instead I'll be delving into this and write about how this is a way of life, and those knee-deep in this stuff have to keep these rules and regulations.

In every school, there's a mission statement and an honor code. Of course, they all vary slightly according to general beliefs and administrative preferences. In that case, whomever chooses to attend that school and be in clubs/athletics pretty much sell their souls into the mission of the school (or religious movement, in this case). Unfortunately, this man stuck his large basketball foot so deep into "no-no behavior" that his whole team is going to suffer from it. Do you think they are complaining? I bet they are. To some, it might be for the strangest of reasons, but something like that has been forbidden in their way of life. At this point, you can't start pointing fingers as to who the person is who initiated this act or who the person is who ratted this out. Who knows? Based on discipline even Davies himself admitted to this act and indirectly asked for a punishment in return [that's what the media does to you...it doesn't give every fact so that you can take a stand on a topic]; however, he might not have wanted the whole team to spiral downward along with him. Could this be a statement of warning from the school's administration? Absolutely, but in a different way. It's like a mental "cracking down." Is it a bit harsh? How could it not be?

However, this is their way. Former students have been grateful for the strict honor code, admitting that it has made them become better people. Even BYU's coach Dave Rose admitted that he handled the situation very well and that he is a great person and meant no wrong. I guess what you can say is that Davies handled his incident "the proper way."

Think about it this way: my school (and just about every other college) has their rules and regulations about the use of illegal substances. If an athlete breaks this law, they're out for the rest of the season. It's just the same thing with BYU--only they can't do about 50 more things on top of that. I don't want to sound like I'm joking about stuff like that, but it's rather true. They need to live very pure and chaste lives, and if this is what they think is going to make them better people, well, more power to them. Being a believer was never meant to be easy. For example, it's hard enough for me not being able to eat meat on Fridays of Lent, but it's a sacrifice we Catholics all have to make. [Speaking of...what should I give up for Lent this year?]
And honestly, compared to what I do in my everyday life, I feel completely lazy compared to these LDS people.

Will Davies be back next year? Hopefully... They would like to see him come back. Maybe he will come back as a better person after this incident. Faith can make you do some crazy stuff, but it's all for the best, right?

In short, you can't really help but support their claims and beliefs. It's their honor code, and you can't really complain to something that they believe will strengthen the student body in mind, body, and faith. Sure, there are the other people out there that think religion is a bunch of malarky and refuse to believe that such rules and codes should even exist. But they're still there. Every mission statement and honor code out there is meant to bring the general public steps further to self-actualization and all of the stuff that Maslow said we needed. Even if God wasn't involved in all of this stuff, wouldn't we want to become better people in life anyway? Exactly. Let BYU do it their way and let's not argue.


(The whole "not drinking tea" thing would drive me bonkers. That is all.)
(Where the idea of the post came from. Geez, Andrew's been my story secretary as of late. I'm so off the ball anymore. We all know why too. Thanks, college. More on that at 11.)

--AZ

365 Days Ago Today...

...The Sports Nut Blogs was launched.

ISN'T THAT EXCITING?

Dude, like....I didn't think I was actually going to keep up with this sucker. To be honest, I almost didn't for a time, but that was for personal reasons. Anyway, thanks for sticking around as long as you have. You guys are the best. I know I'm not a huge and popular blog, but I've got my own little society and I love you guys bunches and bunches.

Okay, so here's the announcement I hinted at last week:
Remember my post from August about concussions in sports? Yeah, that little infant of a post is now going to become a speech I am making at an honors conference next month in Radnor, PA. I'm going to try my darndest to get a video of it, but I doubt that'll be done. Maybe photos will accompany this day, I'm not sure yet. But yeah...it's cool, right?

Here's to another year of blogging excellence!

--AZ

Mastering the Art of Offseason Boredom Prevention

(Note: This post probably has nothing to do with sports. It’s a nice little editorial you can all enjoy.)

“And so this is offseason, and what have you done? Another year over, and the downtime has begun.”

(Disclaimer: John Lennon never said this. Yoko might have though. Ah, never mind, it’s not really that funny now.)

It’s one thing to think that we all know what athletes do in the offseason. We all think that they bum out for about a week, and then they just return to their workout regimen, start dating other celebrities, play Call of Duty or Madden online with teammates, or go to other sports-related events. However, that might not necessarily be true. Just think—all of these guys might have lost their chances of having a decent social and family life when they were student athletes back in college (or high school depending on what the situation was). Locker room/clubhouse pranks are not enough—now there’s plenty of time to actually plan the destruction and frustration of roommates, wives, misbehaving children, and teammates located miles away.

Do I really know what they do? Not really, but here are good guesses...

(Cue Sanford and Son theme music here. Elevator or prize-winning music is nice here too.)

In the offseason, a lot of eligible bachelor athletes often room together in the main square of the city in which they play in. Sure, the dishes might not always get done, but they have someone to share rent with, right? Anyway, here’s the scoop. One roommate just landed a date with a waitress at a local steakhouse and now they’re planning on coming back to the pad to watch Jersey Shore (don’t ask why I placed this show here—just go along with it) and eat some pretzels and low-fat queso (since the waitress already thinks she’s fat—moving on). What’s the other guy supposed to do? What if he had no plans that night? Does he take the shameful offense that he’s “the other guy” in the place or does he try to make things fun for the sake of his own sanity and the hope that things won’t get any worse for him? You can finish that thought off on your own.

Prank calling has its perks: you can mask your voice, kill massive amounts of boredom on a Friday night, and you can mess with peoples’ minds in return. No, we’re not going to go down the beaten path and say that players (or coaches, better yet) call pizza places, order 12 large sausage pies with four large bottles of birch beer and just one order of onion rings (as a consolation prize for being the sucker getting all of this stuff) and give them the address to the teammate’s house. That’s so 1980’s—before all of the caller ID business. Prank calling is now more of an ancient art nowadays; since people have automatic caller ID and phone number identification, you really have to be sneaky. Pay phones are an endangered species, and it’s not exactly certain whether pressing #4 [pound key, four] before the phone number always works. Thank God for functions and mechanisms like Google chat. If players/coaches are tech savvy, heaven help the person thinking that their credit card company is confirming their account cancelation or thinking that their agent just sold his deal on Craigslist. Possibilities: endless.

Just as Bo Jackson and Michael Jordan broke barriers by playing other pro sports during their respective offseason, you would that that one would try to be different and go a different path by signing a different contract for something completely different. Unfortunately, I don’t think professional wrestling (err, sports entertainment) is the best choice of earning more money and “living the dream.” Sorry Steve “Mongo” McMichael and Dennis Rodman…you both made total fools of you. I guess in the category of pranks and killing boredom, you laid the pranks on you and the company (in both cases it was WCW) and instead of killing boredom, you probably helped in killing the company and the people that watched you due to laughing so hard. It’s been 20 years since someone’s crossed over between professional sports, and I guess with the competitiveness and the roughness of it all, it’s probably not the best idea to try and poke your head into other things you won’t be ready for. Also, it’s another thing to take up a hobby, but …”sports entertainment?” Good gravy.

When one finally comes home after a long season, sometimes adjusting may be difficult yet fun when it comes to pestering other people or starting the idea of being a “class clown” in the home. For example, when an athlete comes home to his wife, he’s going to have a lot of stories to tell her and let her know how he’s reached out and gained new interests while practicing his trade. She’ll start the conversation by saying: “So honey, did your new teammates introduce you to their friendships and ways of living?” He could reply by saying: “Sweetie, the guys are great. Their tastes in music changed me! My iPod looks so much better now!” The conversation—and possibly the relationship—ends when the man walks into the bedroom and the wife hears Michael Bolton on full blast while the man is getting his pajamas on.

One thing’s for sure if you’re married—you’ll probably have the time in your career when the babies start coming out of the woodwork. Of course, you miss them to bits and pieces and you love them so much that their school pictures are taped on the inside of your locker. That was when you were away. Now, you realize why your wife misses you so much. You’re the much needed addition to the body count that must battle the baby apocalypse. How do you attend to this problem? The kids like sitting on your knee, right? Tell ‘em a story. Start digging up the deep ones that happened all the way back in the first week of the season. You remember how the bus broke down and the bus bathroom toilet was clogged? They’ll love that—so much that they’ll pass out on you faster than a government official being struck by an assassin. Problem solved. But remember, an idle mind is the devil’s handiwork: only use this skill when the kids aren’t occupied with a fun pastime like having a catch with you or doing a puzzle or swimming in a pool. The pool one would be scary—don’t do the story trick at all there.

And this, my friends, is what can happen when your mind begins to wander during the gym or during lunch. No kidding, I really start thinking about this stuff when ESPN is on. Don't you sometimes wonder what the athletes do when they themselves are watching news about them on television? I guess I delve into things a bit too much...

Hope you enjoyed my satire.

--AZ

AZ's Slant on Sunday - Star Power!

(Written for the fact that the Cavs broke their 26-game losing streak this past Friday against the Clippers. Way to go, failboat captains!)

What makes a team? Is it the star power or is it the overall skill and talent of the team? Can one name lead a team and franchise to glory?
Don't try to answer it. It's rhetorical, and there's no way you're going to get a definite 'yes' or 'no' from it.
Many arguments may go into consideration when it comes to thinking that it may be one man or a few men that make a team.

Have you ever seen the movie Kicking and Screaming? It's one of those Will Ferrell sports/slapstick movies. Anyway, in the middle of the movie, all the little guys had to do was pass the ball to "the Italian kids" and they'd score and win the game.

In another childish example, the characters from the cartoon Arthur had Francine Frensky...

and the characters from Doug had Patti Mayonnaise.

[...How ironic that in the last two characters that I've mentioned, both females were depicted as athletes.... could that be another post? I don't know yet.]
These following characters epitomize the stigma that one person unifies the team and makes the team better as a whole, and this particular leader "shines" and is set apart as the best player of the group.

To bring up my point of writing this post, let's take a look at the Cleveland Cavaliers basketball team.

Looking at their roster as a whole, the team has zero big-name players. And being perfectly honest, none of the players on the team average over 20 points a game. The team has zero momentum, has only won nine of 54 games, and...LeBron James dropped them like a bad habit and flew to South Beach to play with the Miami Heat.

Speaking of this dude, let's now look at the Miami Heat.

 

Miami is 39-14. They also have LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh. They're tops in the conference too. Whenever one thing tweaks this holy trinity of b-ball players, it makes top news on ESPN. They're the talk of the league, and people are expecting the NBA Championship to come to this town in the near future. But is it because of these three guys, or is it the team as a whole?

Everyone at some point will call a team with this kind of star power and recognition "America's team." Teams such as the Dallas Cowboys and New York Yankees have been given this recognition over the years for having the most legendary players to ever step foot in the sport. Many of the men who have experienced the big show itself have won several titles and have played with other up-and-coming players that would soon join them in the greatness of the Hall of Fame. However, some people who have won these titles and weren't considered the "star" have been overshadowed.

Here's an example of that. Let's go back in time to the 2001 World Series. The country just experienced 9/11 and we were getting our first taste of November baseball. It was the New York Yankees dueling against the Arizona Diamondbacks. Arizona came away with the emotional Game 7 victory, and the leadership of Luis Gonzales, Randy Johnson, and Curt Schilling led them through it. Wait, who were those other guys? Point made. You have the stars and the memorable names, but without them, who are those other guys? I guess you can say this now since they've lived in the cellar on and off since then. I think they've only made two or three playoff appearances since then (and I'm not looking at these stats right now, they're guesses, so sue me).

However, there are several cases where there is a lack of definite star power, but they all work together as a unit and unify the city while winning the sports title. Dare I say we look at the Green Bay Packers?

Sure, people were paying attention to who Aaron Rodgers was because he's the quarterback. Other than that, who did he really have? The bigger linemen on the offense and defense were being lost to injury, and that meant that the other guys had to step up and bring the Lombardi trophy back home to Titletown. Lo and behold, they did just that. Now we all know who James Starks, Jordy Nelson, and Clay Matthews is.

Speaking of Clay Matthews, he did something goofy this past week. Fast forward the video to about 2 minutes and you'll see what went down in Green Bay.

I guess big things like the Super Bowl can make you do other big things in other lands, right?

A topic like this can bring out many opinions and many answers as to what makes a team. I guess you can say that it works in a cycle. Those who win become legends and stars, and the rest have to beat the best to be the best. Everyone will start off small at one point, regardless of how well their college career treated them. To become the star, one must be set apart.
If you want what I think, no man is an island. It takes more than one guy to achieve greatness.

In the case of the Cleveland Cavaliers...they need new management. That's all.

--AZ

The Hangover - What Super Bowl Sunday Means to Me

(Written in accordance to today's media day celebrations.)
Super Bowl Sunday.
If it were given a steady date every year, it would have a bigger red ring around it than Tax Return Day. Let's be honest, football is a religion in the United States. Anybody who has a television set will watch the Super Bowl at some point, whether it's in passing, in the case that nothing else is on TV, you are a humongous fan, or it's with two teams you don't even root for.

I also find it a good excuse to pig out on food in front of the telly.

Which brings my point.

I understand that in certain areas of the United States, there are "drinking holidays" such as Tipsy Tuesday, Wasted Wednesday, etc. Super Bowl Sunday is like, the biggest one of them all. People who have no idea at this point who is playing in the Super Bowl will still use this day as an excuse to just go to a bar and let worries dissolve in what some consider a fun kind of way. People also find it a good day to, you know...get the "kiddie train" started. Just look what it did for the population of Louisiana last year.

When it comes to this fateful day, this one word comes to mind:

APOCALYPSE

So anyway, what does this day mean to me?
As I have mentioned in times past, I was never really one to watch football unless if it were a college game or if it were the Super Bowl. Now since I know what's going on in the league, things make a lot more sense. However, we're not talking about what I necessarily think about this topic, nor will I talk about who I think will win (personally, I think the Steelers will somehow win this because they always seem to pull a win out of their hoohahs, but that's besides the point). I'm talking about what I think goes on throughout America--and in some places in Canada--during this time of competition and frenzy.

The closest thing I can compare this topic to is New Year's Eve. It's this big blowout filled with streamers, Dick Clark, champagne, parades, and FOOD. When the ball drops, people go nuts at all different times around the world and party until it's 5 A.M. in their time zone. It's almost the same with football. It's filled with alcohol, parades, legendary announcers not named Joe Buck, and FOOD. When the right events occur during the game, fans go nuts and celebrate until it's about 5 A.M. in their time zone.

Then we have the next day. Offices are ghost towns. You see tumbleweeds even on the snowiest of college campuses. People call out of work. Everyone's hung over and go, "What the f(beep) happened last night? I did what?! No!" Not one person involved in the festivities can function correctly the next morning. It's a known fact; no matter how hard one tries, he or she will be unable to think straight. Also, in the case of the New Year, the season ends here and a new set of stuff begins the day after.  See? The snake bites it's tail in the end. Ha ha. However, I don't think anyone really thinks of eating pork the next day. They do remember to buy their laxatives and pregnancy test strips the next day though.

The funny part coming from all of this would just be the whole feeling of it actually being a holiday. Everyone goes out to shop for wings, chips and dips, pizza, beer, soda, and all of the other party foods. Could we call Super Bowl Sunday the violent little brother of Thanksgiving? I only say violent because it involves a lot of tackles, that's all. God forbid a major snowstorm already hit your town and you're unable to get this stuff before the game. You have nothing but a football jersey, and despite that, you're unable to celebrate "the right way" by pigging out on your reclining chair like you're Al Bundy or something. Ah, the four F's of America: freedom, food, football, and facepaint.

I guess the whole "one and done" part of it is what makes this day so definitive and exciting. Plus, who doesn't like getting entertained by a mix of brutality, halftime shows, and returning legends? One thing's for sure, nobody is going to be able to get away from coverage of this big game until the end of next week. (Unless if there is another wardrobe malfunction or something like that.) I guess this next week will be a hangover that many football fans will all experience and get over in no time flat. No, scratch that--the losing team's fans will experience a hangover that won't end until the first day of training camp. Those fans then proceed to hibernate in their respective man-caves until that day comes.

Some people make exceptions for the end of the NBA, NHL, and upcoming MLB season.

So what does Super Bowl Sunday mean to me? Utter. Chaos.

Stay thirsty, my football friends.

--AZ