Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Tebowhipping Boy

Oh man. You have no idea how mad I am right now. I could possibly call John Elway every name in the book right now but I won't do that because I'm a lady and I'm super classy.

Even though Andrew considers me a "Tim Tebow hater," that's untrue in every way. I respect the heck out of the guy. I also have a ton respect for him taking this Peyton Manning thing so well. As you all know Peyton Manning just received a #18 jersey in blue and orange today, and he also got a big fat contract to boot.

Oh yeah, he must be taking this reeeeeeal well.
Or isn't he?
As far as we know, he's a pretty humble and modest guy. But seriously, how would one feel when your job as a starting quarterback was just taken from you and gift-wrapped to some guy that wasn't wanted by his old team because of a nagging injury?

We would expect to be like this:
Here is the next question for him: Now what?
There has been a great deal of speculation of Tebow possibly going elsewhere among these times of what you would call the "Julius Caesar treatment." [F'real, Elway, you were five days late.] There have been rumors of calls from Green Bay, Jacksonville, Miami, and New York for the man already, and well...I can't say that I blame them. After making such a great showing last year with the Broncos--a team that doesn't have any big names except on defense--you could get a pretty strong showing and quite a pretty penny out of this guy.

With that said, the 'pretty penny' might also be a bad thing that would not work in Tebow's favor in the least bit. If we played the game "What Would John Elway Do," there could be a team that would get him in a trade and then trade him again for other fun-looking players that are available. This philosophy is exactly what I thought of when I saw Green Bay flashing interest in the QB. I thought, "What? They have Aaron Rodgers, for Goodell's sake--oh wait...bait." Oh yes, the 'ole bait and switch technique that many nerds will use in their card game tournaments. Sure, it's gonna make the traded guy look crappy, but look at the team! No. No no no no. Seventeen more no's. If you're doing that stuff to a guy who had a pristine college career, excellent showings at combines and training camps as well as in the regular NFL season, you're obviously doing it wrong.

This form of technical warfare is really making people scratch their heads. They had a quarterback, and why did they go for the older, but injury-ridden man? You could say that people were somewhat asking this when Brett Favre made his second and third comebacks in years past. Okay, I know that Brett had his best year at the age of 40, but this is completely different. Peyton has had neck problems for over a year now. If you had to choose to replace one quarterback to get a veteran to improve on the team, who would it be: Tim Tebow or Chad Pennington? Answer that question yourself.

The most fascinating thing among all of this is that Tebow is nowhere to be found amid all of the progression of this saga. Really. I mean, I felt absolutely bad for Manning when he couldn't play last year, and I really wanted him to go back to Indy to shut some people up, but when you walk into territory that was marked by someone else who was quoted (in my case paraphrased) as "someone who will be the starter next season," you get pulled on either end of the spectrum like you're Stretch Armstrong.

Here's John Elway's lovely quote [Thanks, ESPN!]:
"Tim Tebow's a great kid. If I want someone to marry my daughter, it's him," Elway said Tuesday. "Tim is a great football player, but with the opportunity that presented itself here, we had to take advantage of that." 

WHAT?! What opportunity? Tebow was practically flashing his rear end at you, and you just trashed him like you're in charge of a fantasy team that just absolutely blew last year! If I may add on to that outburst, he just trashed Tebow like he was a "n00b" because Peyton Manning is a bigger name. I shake my head in your general direction. That's just...foul.

Now that everything is said and done within the Broncos organization, I hope that Tebow finds a good team and has the opportunity to rough up the guys that let him go. I know certain kinds of revenge may be considered sinful, but all's fair in football and war. I mean, most of us expected this to happen in some way, and we knew just by the unsure disposition that the Broncos organization had had almost the whole time with Tebow in the lead, no faith existed in the front office. Personally, I knew Tebow was going to be Shanghaied, and people were going to get greedy. I know I'm an armchair analyst, but humor me on the fact that I saw it coming a month ago.

I'm looking forward to the next episode of a very special "Bronco," aren't you?

[Watch him go to the Eagles or something. That would be...interesting.]