Sunday, February 1, 2015

Deflated Egos

Now, now. I had to come up with a creative title for this one, and I came up with this. It isn’t great, but what I’ve got below should make up for it. Hopefully.

We know who is playing in the Super Bowl on Sunday. We have the Seattle Seahawks, who are looking for a repeat in Super Bowl wins, and the New England Patriots, who have had their noses in the playoffs for more than a decade. Here’s the kicker: I’m not writing about the game. I’m writing about everything BUT the game. You should have expected this by now.

We seriously haven’t been able to enjoy the pomp and circumstance of the biggest American football game of the year. Why is that, you ask? Because we need stupid stuff to talk about before the game actually happens, and we also need ridiculous accusations for us to sit on that will probably ruin the whole idea of us enjoying the game on Sunday. During the AFC Championship slaughter between the Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts two weeks ago, everyone seemed to scratch their heads as to why Tom Brady was getting all of the breaks, while Colts' QB Andrew Luck wasn't getting any...luck. Yeah. I walked into that. Anyway, The game went off without a sore hitch, and within 48 hours of the completion of the game, reports came out that Colts players were suspicious about the overall air pressure of the footballs. Allegedly, 11 of the 12 game balls used during the AFC Championship were not inflated to regulation levels, and it was noticed by D'Qwell Jackson after intercepting one of Brady's passes in the second quarter of the game.

(Charlton Heston not included.)

Did they have this up their sleeves the whole time? Did they do this against Baltimore too? Remember how I said 11 of the 12 balls above? That might not even be the correct amount. With every ounce of research I've done, numbers have changed, science was tampered with--not everyone should be allowed to "science," because it's dangerous work--and opinions have been thrown in left and right. Maybe people have been using excerpts of head coach Bill Belichick's press conference held earlier in the week. What my favorite part about that is that journalists are analyzing every sentence of his like it's the Bible. Because we need three more weeks of stories following the Super I right?

Because I am a child of the 90's, and I feel like it's quite appropriate, Bill Nye has to really break down this science for you. I'm more than certain that you'll be singing the theme song from his show after this. Check this out.

Many people have held press conferences and members of the Patriots' staff have been interrogated; however, the biggest surprise is that Tom Brady has not yet sat down to be formally interrogated. In fact, he won't have to deal with it until Monday morning at the earliest. That alone has gotten fans upset, feeling as if the NFL is going about this unfairly. However, in his defense, they probably don't want to affect him in any way before "The Big Game."
(If I were him, I'd actually want to get that done before the game. But I'm not him, so there.)

I seriously feel like this is some kind of serial drama, and that there is a dark room where there are a bunch of dark-suited misers writing scripts and fixing this stuff up. It's like a WWE Creative staff virus or something. I'm waiting for Vince McMahon to come flopping out and fire somebody.

I’m going to bring up an example of this "serial drama," being that it is Oscar season, and my example was a nominee for Best Picture. The film “Quiz Show” was based on the controversies surrounding the game show “Twenty One” in the mid-1950’s, and how most game shows at the time were accused of rigging the results of the show to prevent loss of viewership, among other things. This isn't the first time the Patriots have been accused of shady things. Ten years ago, during their Super Bowl XXXIX game (and eventual win) against the Philadelphia Eagles, they were accused of cheating via "Spygate," where they had allegedly videotaped the Eagles' defensive calls. Now, ten years later, we're dealing with another issue, and if that's going to make an impact on Sunday's game remains to be seen. Whether these things are rigged for the sake of betting, none of us know, and it isn't the best idea to get ourselves into it. People have died over betting.

If I didn't know any better, we’re getting rigged right now, and we’re getting rigged hard. Agenda is poisoning sports even further, and despite “Bounty Gate” from a few years ago, domestic abuse accusations, some guy named Culpepper competing on Survivor, and a trial for the ex-Patriot Aaron Hernandez in the charge of double murder conveniently beginning Thursday, nobody seems to care about the Super Bowl unless you’re a Seahawks or a Patriots fan. Heck, I think people are caring more about what Katy Perry is going to wear during the halftime show, or if the Church of Scientology is going to pay for a :30 advertising spot again this year. If you had watched the Pro Bowl last Sunday, did it sound like people were entirely there for the event, or did the whole "Deflate Gate" as it is being called ruin the whole fun of it? It's like continuing a baseball game after a pitcher took a line drive to the head. It's that heaviness that settles in, and there's no way to defuse the tension.

Because this is being treated as a serious offense, strict sanctions may be placed on the team in ways of fines, suspensions, and probable bans. But the thing is, with a situation like this, you can't point a finger at one particular thing. This isn't like Bounty Gate, where there were specific players involved and the coach was in on it. It's not like you can slap a staff member on the wrist, or put the footballs in Pigskin Court and sentence them to the chain gang. Punishments are going to be awkward, and they have to be handled properly. The Patriots won't get out of this with a simple shake of the finger, that is for certain by now.

Whether we like it or not, we're going to be hearing about this for a very long time. The game literally means nothing right now, and only the stories behind the game are getting weight. So now...prepare for the ultimate hair-pulling when any mentions of footballs and air pressure come up. Then again, we could always quote Mr. Beast Mode with "I'm just here so I won't get fined," and talk about how they're bringing up supposed uses of Adderall on the Seahawks team. We always need crap to fill the spaces, don't we?

Be responsible out there.