Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Ray Hudson: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

For those of you who don't know who Ray Hudson, he does a lot of color commentary for GOLTV and he also managed teams in MLS in the early 2000's. He's known for his colorful (not in that way) language and his rather hilarious mannerisms.

For example:

"I’m telling you man, this kid could be the best thing on two legs since Sophia Loren."
"This man is braver than a matador in high heels and a pink tutu!"

"Plays like he's got Woody Woodpecker down his shorts all the time, Lionel Messi."

That--now that is gold. You don't hear very many commentators as witty as this guy. I'm telling you right now. Watch this video here, and indulge in the hilarity. Meanwhile, here is my short but telling tribute to the boisterous Brit.

Ray Hudson: Hater of Celebrity Gossip

You grunt and you groan, and you love all things on the pitch--unless if it's sloppy play.
You cherish your beer, and you often emphasize chicken eggs weighing more than the hens themselves
Kathy Bates's sledgehammer from Misery is your weapon of choice in pounding your knowledge and opinions into the skulls of simpletons.
If you could get away with marrying every man on the Argentinian football team, you would do it and nobody would care.
Nobody knows where your harebrained analogies come from, but for all we know, they could be coming from God Himself. That is how unique you are.
Mr. Hudson, your lack of a mental filter is the proof of your numerous odysseys in the football world.
You stare at "Freedom of the Press" in the eye and tell them that stopping you is like nailing Jell-O to the wall. Who ever said you had to be a solid journalist?'re the man.

The End

Many of you are probably asking why I wrote this and why I sound like a babbling doofus. Here is your answer: the man is brilliant in his own way. He takes the concept of commentary and pretty much knocks it around the room like he's hitting it with a sledgehammer. I would love to incorporate that into a future that I wish to accomplish. By the way, he never ceases to make me laugh when a futbol game turns into a stalemate match. Is that enough proof? I hope so.