AZ's Slant on Sunday - Yao-za!

OH MY LORD, A BASKETBALL ENTRY?? I KNOW, RIGHT?

Let's get a quick rundown of the big guy I'm going to be talking about right now:
(Music Please)

Yao Ming
Age: 30
Height: 7' 6"
Weight: 310 lbs.
Center for Houston Rockets






Okay, we have a Chinese giant on our hands. He's been gifted with height, ergo he was shown the ways of the basketball.
However, as of late, he's been having issues like this... (Yes, I went there)

What does this mean for the future of the gentle giant? It's not good. With as many injuries in such short time, it's going to take down some of his credibility and his overall ability on the court. Let's be honest here, kids, once someone starts getting hurt over time, they can get a little rusty. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, right? Sure, he's 30, but guess what? It's his ankle. Constant wear and tear on something like the ankle or foot can be absolutely pivotal on a player's future.

Come to think of it, it also does a world of hurt on the international involvement in American basketball. Remember that Spanish kid--what's his name? Ricky Rubio? Yeah, him. See, international impact is so thinly spread in this country that I can't even remember his name. He even caught on with my drift and didn't bother signing with the Minnesota Timberwolves last year. Heck, Allen Iverson went to Turkey to play basketball. That's how "uncool" we are, I guess. But honestly, when was the last time the NBA got a really huge international star playing on our soil? I can't even find that. Someone else probably could.

Without doubt, the advertising world sans-Ming for another season is going to lead to...well, more reason to hire another tall guy like Shaq to represent the height required to be considered a big NBA star. Believe me when I say this: when you're unique, you will be used to draw attention. Self-explanatory. I feel like we're back in Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show again or something with the sensational attraction methods, but seriously, that's what guys like Yao and Shaq are mainly used for (honestly, it's not so much Shaq anymore...he's made a bigger name for himself, finally).
Example: Yao + Vern = Obvious.

But I digress in these cases. A hurt man can result in a hurt product, resulting in hurt relations around the country and in foreign audiences. It sucks, but what are you going to do? Accidents happen. I bet Yao will be a good sport about it. He'll still promote and do what he can while off the court.

--AZ

From the Field to the Booth - A Lifelong Obsession

(Originally drafted in October [yes, October], this was completed in memory of Don Meredith) 
 
Michael Strahan, Cal Ripken, Jr., Alexi Lalas, Don Cherry, the list goes on and on.
Is it a case of a real love for the sport that the person just can't stay away, or is it just flat out annoying and they need to retire completely?

In thinking about this topic, you have to ask the question: "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" No really, I'm serious. Many of the sports broadcasters that you see time and time again have experienced the game from the field long before they wear a suit and tie before a video camera. Sure, some guys first retire, then go fish or golf for a few years, compete on Dancing with the Stars, or maybe even get into trouble with the law. Today, some retirees call that the beaten path. Why? Nobody really knows. In today's day and age, people over 65 are still working and trying to make themselves useful. That leaves the younger folk to go: "Hey, we have college degrees and credentials and awesome hair and stuff. What about us???" It's okay, guys. I feel your pain.

Anyway, reverting back to the age-old question, wouldn't you think that it's a lot more effective to have a guy who has experienced these kinds of things to be talking about them? I mean, if they've had a career of 15+ years and still have a brain that's more than intact to speak of these experiences, they will obviously know enough to educate the audience and give them stronger insight. Not just players, but coaches who have led future legends through their paths to greatness have also proven themselves worthy enough to provide a decent enough opinion on management and choices of play. Agreeing with me now? If you don't care and refuse to agree with me because retired guys annoy you, I think Mr. John Madden should shoulder block you through a wall.

But in all seriousness, their move to the booth isn't a cheap way of saying "I can't get away from the sport." It's almost like another marriage; it could also be compared to the priesthood. For example, the former player/coach loves the sport so much that they put it on themselves to continue to teach and continue to entertain. It's their calling. I guess we can throw the ultimate irony card out there too because when a particular guy tries to get another job after their "sporting retirement" it just so happens to dance around what they originally did in their prime. But then there are really nice cases in which players take their love and pride and not abuse their knowledge and pasts in their sport.

I'd like to take the time out to note an example of what I mentioned above. His name is Doug Glanville. A native of the country of New Jersey [please laugh at the South Park reference], he played for the Chicago Cubs, the Philadelphia Phillies, and the Texas Rangers over the course of about eight years. He also went to the University of Pennsylvania where he majored in systems engineering. In other words, he's insanely smart, and I'm super jealous of him. Anyway, he has a vast knowledge of marketing, and after his retirement from baseball, he worked in a marketing firm, and then began writing sports columns. Today, he works for ESPN and writes columns and even books. Saying this wholeheartedly, you should read some of his stuff. It's very, very good, and it shows a lot of knowledge and passion about what he had seen not just in the sport aspect, but from the business and the dark sides of it.

See? That's what we all like about the guys that come back to analyze sports! The PASSION! That's what we want! It's not about the money, it's not about the fame, it's all about the love and passion and drive they get from talking about something they love.

Here's another example, and I'm going to use one of the greats that we have just lost recently. I'm talking about Don Meredith. After playing his whole NFL career with the Dallas Cowboys, he joined Howard Cosell and Frank Gifford on Monday Night Football. Although he had a controversial mouth at times, he was seen as comic relief and brought a lighthearted atmosphere to the broadcast booth. C'mon, he sang Willie Nelson for cripes' sake. He was a funny guy who knew when to show dryness and grit.

I think I've stated my case well enough. You can never live without certain people poking in and out of your life. It's like acquaintances you had in high school: you might not have ever been super close with them, but you can always count on them to give you advice and provide an opinion as an outsider looking in on a situation they might have been through before.

As for the young'ns striving for opportunity, get ready to fight with me. 

TONIGHT, WE DINE IN... you get it.

--AZ

You Want Foul Play? FINE!

Although I may have just begun to follow the NFL on a consistent basis this season, it feels like more and more dangerous hits are being recognized on local television from teams outside of the city I live in. Not just that, these players giving these hits are receiving massive fines left and right for what can be considered a "blatant hit."
Are fines the answer to this? Do these athletes really mean to dish out these nasty-looking hits?

We'll find out the answer to this on today's episode of...The Sports Nut Court.

Today we're going to look into some cases in which certain players have been slammed and exactly why they are in such deep issues. Here at The Sports Nut Court, we try to get all of the facts and start to figure out why the foul play is bringing about the excessive fines and hassle. Let's bring out our defendant before Judge AnimaniacZero:

And here we are. Mr. James Harrison, 32 years of age, and throughout the past 14 weeks, he has garnered four pretty-looking fines under his belt. I won't lie, some of the hits he's dished out look pretty devastating. Here's the big issue though: as nice as the guy is and as much as he didn't mean the hits, he still hit the guys and also showed some unsportsmanlike conduct. In his defense, it's rather ridiculous how he's getting slammed in vicious amounts in a particular period of time.

In any case, he isn't the only guy that has been on this end of infamy. Many other players (and even members coaching staffs) have been accused of rough hits and disorderly conduct resulting in massive fines and massive hair/dread pulling. A couple of weeks ago, a sports analyst on Twitter (the name escapes me at the moment...why do I think it's Deion Sanders for some reason?) noted that money shouldn't be an answer to every hit and every instance of bad conduct. Although suspensions have become all too common in other sports, fines could be regulated in a much more honest fashion. Factors for fines that could be looked at are: status on the team--i.e. rookie, veteran, just a typical idiot that opposing fans absolutely hate--the salary of the player in question (which, in my opinion, is a really good idea), and the list of other offenses that have been committed in the past. I'll admit that a lot of the guys "up top" in the NFL are very trigger-happy and don't like to think things through when it comes to penalization.

Something that has to be taken into account with these hits is that not all of them are done on purpose. After seeing a dangerous hit on DeSean Jackson in October, players had said that the hit wasn't done on purpose although it was as ruthless as it looked on television and on the field. The guy was penalized of course, but what else could have been done? It's not like he followed through with more disorderly conduct and celebrated the hit that caused a concussion. It's like the saying that some people don't even know their own strength. That, and the hear of the competition can really blind the moment of actually hurting someone. Believe me, that does happen sometimes.
[Flashback: When I was in a soccer tournament at Fort Dix, New Jersey one year, I was running backwards and saw one of my teammates move a girl off of the ball. This girl on the other team literally flew and landed sideways on her knee. When she screamed, it was one of those "forced out screams" when you're in so much pain you can't even scream or react loud enough for the pain to lessen. I didn't exactly see what happened to her until she was on the stretcher, but we then saw that her kneecap was so far to the right on her knee that it looked like a contortionist's knee. At any rate, I know for a fact that my teammate didn't do that on purpose. It's not like she really wanted to knock the girl's kneecap out on purpose. That kind of stuff happens.]

Verdict: Here at the Sports Nut Court, we wish the best of all of the athletes in a high contact sport. But when it comes to freak accidents and stupid, honest mistakes, you can never really find an effective way to "punish" someone, for the lack of a better word to describe it. We can all be thankful that these athletes have the money to compensate for these happenings, but I'm not sure if we can prevent these freak accidents unless if the sport ended altogether. However, I doubt people would want to see that happen. It's like saying we can prevent freak car accidents during inclement weather by not going out and driving in that stuff. But people do it anyway. So--what can be done? Something that seems reasonable and smart. This mindless fining method needs to be fixed so the NFL doesn't look like the Catholic church according to those from the outside looking in.

--AZ

War of the Words - Football vs. Soccer

Here it is, folks--the moment you've all been waiting for. The first audio debate on the SNB.

I notice that a lot of Americans knock the sport of soccer, and I'm going to defend the sport as best as possible. Today, I'll be debating with one of those said Americans, and we'll find out "which cuisine reigns supreme."

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to present...this:





I hope you enjoyed the videos. Maybe there will be more of this someday.

--AZ (& CT)

Team Management = Relationships. Dead Serious.

I guess you're wondering why I'm making this comparison.

First off, I'm a girl. We see things in this way sometimes.

I've had my share of relationships (when I mean "share" I only really mean one or two) and while watching sports on the telly, I can only imagine what goes on behind the scenes with team management. Sure, you read, listen, and watch about team transactions and financial issues, but what else do they really talk about behind closed doors? In an instant, what comes to mind is a huge round table with these high-top men in pinstripe suits all talking like Marlon Brando.

"You talk about draft picks. Are draft picks going to bring your fans back to you or my dignity to me? I forgo the draft picks from last year. But my previous transactions had to leave this franchise because of this salary capping. So now I have to make arraignments to bring players back safely cleared of all these false charges. But I'm a superstitious man. And if some unlucky accident should befall us, if we should be fired by the commissioner, or if we should shoot ourselves in the foot, or if we're verbally struck by a bolt of lightning--then I'm going to blame some of the people in this room--and that, I do not forgive. But, that aside, let say that I swear, on the souls of my grandchildren, that I will not be the one to break the peace we have made here today."


(DISCLAIMER: Marlon Brando never said this. He said something relatively close to this, but not this.)

It sounds like the mental conflicts that every guy experiences in his life when he approaches "the hot chick" and weighs out the options. He goes: "are my bros gonna give the thumbs up," and "I hope my female friends don't think she's trashy." Hold up, I'm not a guy, so I can't speak on any guy's behalf. Scratch this whole thing that I just said.

Anyway, the relationship between a manager and his players is like one of those relationships we constantly experience without the PDA's (public displays of affection, in case if you've never heard of the reference). There are going to be some disagreements, there are going to be some inside jokes, and there are going to be some "meeting of the parents and family" business. Oh, and don't forget, the manager ultimately "wears the pants" in this said relationship because he pays for everything.

But aside from the goofiness of this concept, you have to dig deep in thinking of why this is a big form of a relationship. There are team managers out there that fight for their boys even to the point of ejection. There are agents that will fight for the affection of their clients by negotiating for the best contract possible. Then in both cases the financial issues come along, and then the family problems and the relationship with the guy friends and how they might not be able to stand your significant other pile on too. Funny how that all works out, right?

Sure, the way to make it to the top is not just through skill, but also through gaining good relationships and uhh... "get around" I guess would be the way of putting it effectively. It's a real shame on how that's the truth, but relationships are the way you learn things; you, in the words of the great Ms. Frizzle:

"You need to take chances, make mistakes, and get messy!"
(God, I love this woman. Words of a prophet.)


When I read about the contract disputes of players like Derek Jeter, he almost takes the feminine role. No, I'm not knocking the guy. Let me make my point: if he wants something, the agent and/or manager will fight for it, and they will do the best they can to satisfy the player. If you can compare this to a real relationship, a girl would want love and care--and if they're real women, no material things--and the man will pretty much give an arm or a leg (or move a mountain, as some guy would say) for this lady.

Even in big executive meetings the "bro-mance" grows and intensifies, especially when it comes to big moves and big plans that are brewing in the franchise. In many cases, this is kind of like the big group of guys or girls that basically talk about the happenings in their respective relationships (without the juicy details, of course) and in return, each of them get a lot of advice and forecasts of what may come. Ever since the pairing of Adam and Eve, we've been paired with many people and need some guidance and advice on strengths and weaknesses along the way. We just hope that the people we're paired with are ready for us, right?

In conclusion, management doesn't mean parenting, it really means the "ball and chain" or the "sunshine and rainbows" of what you may deal with in high school. It takes real dedication and real wit to manage a team and maintain the relationship that you hold with oh so many people. You have to do a good job; otherwise, you're going to hear it from people other than your client or teammate. Three cheers for lack of independence! (ha ha)

--AZ

Being Thankful... FOR YOU!

As you read this, how about I set the mood for you?

From the bottom of my heart, I would like to wish all of the readers that come across this blog a happy and most healthy Thanksgiving holiday. Even if you don't celebrate it with a large group of people such as family or friends, count your blessings and be thankful for what you have been given throughout your life.

What am I thankful for? The chance to do these things. The chance to write, the chance to make people laugh, the chance to make people express opinion and emotion, and the chance to be happy with the talents that I have acquired.

Let us rise up and be thankful,
for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little,
and if we didn't learn a little,
at least we didn't get sick,
and if we got sick, at least we didn't die;
so, let us all be thankful.
- The Buddha

And now, because you are all so wonderful, here's a funny picture.

I mean, if this is the case, he'll be missing the Cowboys/Saints game today, but you never know how far away the TV will be from the dinner table.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
(Try not to kill anyone tomorrow during Black Friday, either.)

--AZ

Sharing the LOVE!

Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton

Cain and Abel

New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox

Real Madrid and FC Barcelona

Philadelphia Phillies and New York Mets

Mufasa and Scar

Jerry Rice and Deion Sanders

Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi

Kelly Slater and Andy Irons (RIP)

Los Angeles Lakers and Boston Celtics

Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings

Dallas Cowboys and ...every other team that isn't the Dallas Cowboys

and the list goes on...

The example I'm trying to make here is that over the course of history, there have been many rivalries that have spiced up the love and the hatred of the men (and women) that have been a part of the history of time and space and sports. I know I threw Mufasa and Scar in there, but I'm a 90's kid and it was a good example. Deal with it.

All's fair in love and war, but is what we're feeling for our lovely neighbors healthy? Some people may think it gets obsessive, but others will find it absolutely necessary to have a fiery passion of hatred for a team that stands in the way of their favorite team. It almost...keeps things in place and gives a team something to fight for. Regardless of how well your favorite team may be doing against the rest of the competition, to some it may only matter how well you do against the team you absolutely can't stand.

Oh, rivalries. How you make the world go 'round...

This could get ugly...

We would all have to admit at some point that it's absolutely invigorating to watch two groups of people absolutely hate each other. It's like West Side Story without Natalie Wood in heavy tan makeup. Even die-hard fans have admitted that they would not date/marry someone that rooted for the other team. The thing is, I could only imagine how they would make up the day after the game happened... Never mind, I digress. You get so excited just to see what will happen when a rivalry game comes around to town. I'm telling you--living in Philly, it's almost as if everybody hates us when they come here, and we as Philly fans have no choice but to defend ourselves physically. Almost every game against either the Mets, the Redskins, or the Cowboys there's a fight either inside or outside of the stadium. It's like you're watching free UFC during the early 90's when there were no rules and really huge bums that sometimes wore sneakers stepped into the octagon.

The way I see it, sports are like male-endeavored soaps to say the least. Yes, I know that's a somewhat sexist remark, but women watch it too, so this point stays. Rivalries are like a never-ending storyline that keeps everyone watching to see what is going to happen on the field [and in the stands as well].
(Aside: This is why I consider the expression "sports entertainment" to be as irrelevant as saying "ATM machine" because sports are already a technical form of entertainment. But I'll have more of that rant coming in December after I see WWE Raw in Philadelphia on 11/29. Huzzah. End of aside.)
In every story, you need to have a hero and a villain. You always have to favor one character and keep the flame alive by showing disgust for said "villain." Whether it's throwing words, fists, beer cups, or even snowballs, it's fun to watch for some reason.

At any rate, if you look at sports in a sociological aspect (my professor would be quite proud of me) you'd find that the three major perspectives--conflict, functionalist, and interactionist--really make sense of the mix of sports and their rivalries. It explains that temporary rush, or "high," that comes from these rivalries. Although teams and fans that hate each other come together and tolerate each other for a few hours, there's a sense of patriotism and competition that comes from it and it keeps the sports flame alive despite each side not seeing eye-to-eye. That is how our social scene is growing through loving and hatred (although the word "hate" is a strong word). That is your sociology lesson for today.

Does it create a bias for me? Well, not so much as it used to. Before I started this blog, I'll admit, I wasn't very fond of the Mets. Don't get me wrong, you guys crack me up beyond belief. But after all of the stuff you guys have been through, I have a newfound respect for you. I won't lie, there's still a bias in my writing because of the city I live in and how I might not know enough about sports happening away from the east coast. But it's always nice to knock on some team while I'm outside. It just makes sports fun.
Going from a national perspective to a hometown perspective, I bet you could all remember the sports rivalries that you had when you played recreational ball somewhere. Believe me, I know I had several. It got so bad at one point between my team and another team that there was a huge fight in the middle of a soccer field (which I wasn't involved in, so they were lucky, ha-ha). Then we got older and more mature, but there was still that fire inside that stirred the motivation to outperform and show the other team that you were awesome and there was nothing that they could do about it. When I see it on the field in a professional form, it brings all of the old plumes back and it makes me feel alive again.

This is why I love sports.
This is why I write.
This is why I want to write about this love for the rest of my life.

--AZ