Since Johnny Olson is dead, I'm just going to get another announcer guy. Gene Wood! He's dead too, but I don't care!
Please talk about our next contestant, Gene!
"The next item on our list is a very popular Russian who has celebrated most of his career with the Atlanta Thrashers in the NHL. He has also starred in many hockey World Championships and Olympic play. During the 2010 season, he was traded to the New Jersey Devils and made a brief postseason appearance with them. Now a free agent, he is looking to put a spring in the step of a new NHL team. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ilya Kovalchuk!"
[FLASHING APPLAUSE SIGN]
(Note: He never said any of this.)
Ohhhhh yes, ladies, he will definitely be a hot commodity to any team that chooses to pursue him. At this time, the Devils do not have the salary cap to keep him, so they're pretty much out of the picture. The biggest candidate to get the massive Russian thus far is the Los Angeles Kings. With a huge resume such as over 300 goals and over 600 points in the past ten years, he could be a huge addition to the team. However, the Kings are looking for a steadier deal and playing a safe game in case if they could get more than just Kovalchuk out of the deal. If nothing comes from this, there are actually rumors swirling around that he will play for the KHL (the Russian hockey league) and follow the same path that Evgeni Nabokov has already planned to take.
It's still relatively early yet, as preseason starts in September, but as of right now, Ilya is an eligible bachelor for any NHL team that has the money for him.
What was that Jennifer Lopez song again? Love don't cost a thing? Yeah, there won't be any love lost if he chooses to go to a powerhouse team. He deserves the best, right?
(^ That had to have been the worst paragraph I have ever typed on this blog. Shoot me.)