Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Tiger is Out of the Woods.... HA HA INNUENDOS ARE EVERYWHERE

Ho-kay so Tiger Woods is stepping out of his naughty hiatus and returning at the Masters this year.

Question is: Will this affect his overall "performance?"

Dr. Ruth says:

"Well of course not! He went to therapy, didn't he? Even though the dirty deed comes up in the male mind more times than you possibly can count in a week, he shouldn't have a problem thinking about what nine iron to use for his big shot."
(DISCLAIMER: She never said this.)

Anyway, if I were Mr. Woods I'd throw my television out the window now. Note how I didn't say computer. Okay, okay, I'm being ridiculous. Now, in a serious manner, he's been endlessly ripped apart by media and most comedic outlets since the incident outside his home. Por ejemplo:

The episode is on tonight, by the way.

If he's going to go back to the way life was before we found out about all of these crazy shenanigans, he's really going to have to show how sorry he is. Remember Michael Vick? Marion Jones (Wait a minute, what did she do again?)? Jose Canseco (Bad example. Scratch this)? It's gonna be hard, but if he throws his back against the wind he's going to fall over and all the publicity is going to get to him. As long as he makes a nice showing at the Masters I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that most of his troubles will be long gone. However, let's just hope that none of his other unknown one-night stands decide to come out of the woodwork and spit on his name again.

Seriously, I am getting pretty tired about the coverage about Tiger Woods, the information that he's a "sex addict," and how he's trying to make a mental (and advertisement) recovery. Okay, I still find it funny that his wife chased him out of the house with one of his golf clubs, but c'mon. Why do we need to care about athletes' personal lives? Don't we have lives of our own to take care of? This might sound like I'm defending Woods, but I'm not. He treated his wife like another one of his golf trophies and basically hid his whole "other life" from her, making her look like the idiot. Frankly, I'm glad she went after him to try and cleave his skull with his own iron. Wives just shouldn't be treated that way.

Something tells me I should make one of those Chris Crocker videos underneath a sheet with my eyes all decked out in eyeliner, crying to everyone to "LEAVE TIGER ALONE! HE'S A HUMAN!" ...Nah, that'll never work.
Or, maybe this all would've been avoided if Tiger Woods had a sassy gay friend. Okay, enough with the Internet humor references. I'm done.


1 comment:

MrsJenB said...

WHAT are you doing? WHAT - WHAT - WHAT are you doing?