NFL Slant for 2010-2011 - WHOOOOAA WE'RE HALFWAY THERE

WHOOOOAAAA LIVIN' ON A PRAAAAAYER.

 

Yeah, I just went there.

Remember when I wrote that entry way back in August when the NFL season was just starting? Boy, did time fly. Several weeks and numerous fines later, we're at the halfway point in the season. I know, you're thinking that I should have done this during Week 8, but people, there's a thing called a bye week. Some people don't technically hit the middle of the season during Week 8. Philosophical reasoning aside, we've seen loads of ups and downs on the gridiron, and we've witnessed some pretty excellent catches and brutal hits.

Why don't we get a glimpse of what our boys have been doing for the past nine weeks!

[WARNING: There are no stats mentioned in this thing. This is all merely opinion, as this whole entire blog is, basically.]

[Cue the generic football montage music!]

NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE

East Division
New York Giants (6-2) - I will admit, these guys surprised me a little bit. I didn't think they were going to work together in their first few games, but after Week 1, they showed some promise. After this past brutalization against the Seahawks, you can start calling them a threat. Little brother Eli won't let Peyton keep him down, that's for sure.
Philadelphia Eagles (5-3) - Wait a minute, what? I have no idea how they're actually pulling wins out here. Oh, that's right, they still have Michael Vick. Kevin Kolb hasn't warmed up to the leadership role yet, and fans are still scratching their heads on whether they like Sean McDermott's defensive line or not. I heart Sav Rocca and David Akers. They literally kick butt.
Washington Redskins (4-4) - Here's the scoop: it sounds like Donovan McNabb and Mike Shanahan are in a really rocky relationship and they're not quite on the same page. They were for like, a game, and now it seems like the team as a whole goes hot and cold. There could still be hope. Playing the Eagles in Week 10 could be a deciding factor.
Dallas Cowboys (1-7) - Let's just state this and get this out of the way now--The Dallas Cowboys: the best team on paper. These guys would probably all work really well together on a fantasy team, but not here. With Romo out, there are bound to be more problems. I don't care if they just fired Wade Phillips. These guys are screwed.

North Division
Green Bay Packers (6-3) - Good God, they flexed their muscles last game, didn't they? Let's not kid, it was against Dallas, but still. I like what they have to offer, and they get the job done. The only thing that makes me nervous is their defensive line and a hint of receiving. Aaron Rodgers has a good enough offensive line this year that his rating is still high and his sack amount is about average. I like cheese.
Chicago Bears (5-3) - I don't know how I'm going to get away with saying this, but I'm really not all that impressed with Da Bears this year. They honestly haven't been playing very strong teams, and a lot of their wins have been either out of luck/penalty bashing, or just getting out by the skin of their teeth. I mean, their schedule looks so-so from here on out, but I'm not expecting anything special from them if they make it to the playoffs.
Minnesota Vikings (3-5) - Time for a math lesson: Brett Favre + Brad Childress = MASSIVE DRAMA; it seems like a really bad sitcom where you just can't stand the main characters as a couple. In other words, it's like the show Friends on meth. After getting rid of Randy Moss after four games and having managerial controversies from all ends, it looks like a massive roller coaster ride will be ahead during the rest of the season.
Detroit Lions (2-6) - What can I say? Doesn't this happen often enough to you guys? I mean, you're riding a 24-game losing streak away from your home field, and you guys have been tossed around for the past ten years or so. Is it going to stop? It could. The whole "coming up short" saying should be your tagline. Help them, Obi Wan Barry Sanders, you're their only hope. Oh wait, he's retired.

South Division
Atlanta Falcons (6-2) - I like these guys. Don't let their statistics that compare with the rest of the league fool you. Matt Ryan is doing exceptionally well, and the rest of the offense supplies a really good running game. In turn, the defense specializes in stopping that kind of run. They've had their ups and downs as a whole, but this second half is going to be a huge factor on whether they can really make it all the way this year.
(Editor's Note: I know that was sort of a Tim McCarver-ism mainly because winning and losing determines a spot in the postseason, but it stays here so you can laugh at my poor writing skills.)
New Orleans Saints (6-3) - They're playing typical "Who Dat" ball, that's for sure. They're still embracing the heavy passing game from Drew Brees, and the defense just looks absolutely sick. C'mon, they're tops in pass yardage allowed. They have fun games coming up. Expect these guys to be going head to head with ATL for the rest of the season.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-3) - They're about average as average can get. You can blame injury upon misfortunes, I guess, but with the heated competition above them, it's going to be tough to get some stepping stool to overcome the bigger names. Do they still have a chance? Survey says: Yes.
Carolina Panthers (1-7) - See, this is what happens when you get rid of a veteran QB like Jake Delhomme. You experience an offensive meltdown of epic proportions to the point where you're in the basement in most of the offensive categories. Sure, he wasn't the number one reason why it happened, but it could've been a catalyst that started this whole fiasco. After this is all over, John Fox, watch out for your job.

West Division
St. Louis Rams (4-4) - Whooaaa!! Welcome to the top! After the past two or three seasons, Rams fans were getting a little scared that the kind of success that was received during the Vermeil/Warner era was never going to come back. But it looks like Sam Bradford and Steve Spagnuolo are trying to start their own little thing. I hope it works out fast...they're going to have a bumpy road to ride on in their second half of the season. If you want motivation, win it for Kurt Warner since he was voted off Dancing with the Stars last night.
Seattle Seahawks (4-4) - I can tell that they like playing at home... But aside from that, they really like to be inconsistent, that's for sure. They could kill the 49ers one week, but then get killed by the Denver Broncos the next week. That's no good. Matt Hasslebeck, I don't like your sister-in-law either.
Arizona Cardinals (3-5) - Fact: Your offense and QB are sub-par. This is why your offensive coordinator was fired a few weeks in. Fact: Your defense and special teams are practically saving you from a completely disastrous season. Fact: Jay Feely is still the man. Anyway, the offense will have to start crack-a-lackin' if you even want to think about making it to the top of the division or the wild card. If you want any more motivation, win a few for Kurt Warner too.
San Francisco 49ers (2-6) - I remember when you guys were always at the top with Steve Young and Jerry Rice. Now...yeah. Other guys. Although Alex Smith is playing a half decent game, we can't really say the same thing for the rest of the team. Keep on trucking, Mike Singletary. Brian Westbrook, I miss you.



AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE

East Division
New York Jets (6-2) - I'm going to start using a new line here: The Jets "are riding on the luck train." Okay, Mark Sanchez looks alright and LaDanian Tomlinson looks fantastic as he should, but everything else seems really lucky and hit-or-miss on the offensive line. I love your defense though. That could be the main thing keeping you up top in such a offense-heavy schedule coming up for you.
New England Patriots (6-2) - Well, here are the Patriots just being the Patriots. Thing is, what boggles my mind is that they get their job done in such short time. I don't know whether it's through turnovers or Tom Brady and the endless Hail Mary play. PS, the special teams like to get a lot of work.
Miami Dolphins (4-4) - "How about those Dolphins?" These guys had a nasty first half schedule and pretty much surived the grit of complete humiliation. That deserves some merit, at least. Chad Henne isn't delivering like most Dolphin fins [I made a funny there] would want him to with the way his QB rating looks. Sure, defense wins games for the most part, but you have to score some points too and keep the crowds in their places. Things could look up if they start to like the endzone a little more this second half. Here's an upside to everything: at least people are showing up to the games. I made another funny. Take that, Florida Marlins.
Buffalo Bills (0-8) - Let's be honest, every sports league needs a basement team, and the Bills are that team. They haven't been to the playoffs in a really long time, and even the personnel change this past year hasn't helped them in the least bit. The division they're in just won't let them win those tight games, I guess. Guys, just work to get at least 2 wins this year. At this rate, I'm not sure if that could be possible with the schedule that you have.

North Division
Baltimore Ravens (6-2) - I'll admit, Baltimore isn't that bad. The big issue to me is that it seems as if one line doesn't work in unison with the other lines each week. For example, it's like the offensive line takes a vacation one week while the other two lines kick butt heavily during that game. They've survived close games, and Joe Flacco is keeping his reputation as a good QB. What's gonna work? Teeeeeeamwork.
Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) - Even without Ben Roethlisberger during the first four weeks or so, this team has been meshing very well and are proving contention in the AFC. The games that were lost contained costly mistakes, but it doesn't seem like Mike Tomlin dwells on them for all that long. Although they nearly lost their lead completely this Monday against Cincy, they're looking to take sole possession of first place next week against Tommy Boy and the Patriots.
Cleveland Browns (3-6) - You know that whole joke of "taking the Browns to the Super Bowl?" Oh, nothing. I just figured that I would ask if you knew. I wasn't going to use it here for that particular purpose. Anyway, although Jake Delhomme is gracing his fine Super Bowl-experienced presence on the team, it really isn't coming in handy all that much. We'll see how that happens when they have a relatively sub-.500 team schedule coming up.
Cincinnati Bengals (2-6) - Here we go again with another good team on paper. Behind the QB Palmer Bros., nothing has been going right for them, even with T.O.Cho as wide receivers. These guys have been very short of complete comebacks as of late, but first, they should really fix the fact that they're falling behind way too much. One thing's for sure, they have a "fun" looking schedule coming up. Who Dey? Nothing right now...

South Division
Tennessee Titans (5-3) - Holy crap exploding offense, Batman. You like to score points. However, I don't think it's just Vince Young and the rest of his buddies doing all of the work. The defense is also well-rounded, which is also a good sign for this awakening team. Now that Randy Moss hass been thrown into the mix, we're going to be seeing a lot of offensive tricks. Isn't that right, Mr. Chuck Cecil?
Indianapolis Colts (5-3) - I can't stress this enough--two words: Peyton Manning. He's just that good. They're near the top in pass yards as usual. Injuries can be a problem, especially when you're playing the Eagles and their defense can't handle runs. Anyway, their schedule is about average, so this will definitely be showing versatility and energy conservation for the Colts. They'll be going head to head with the Titans for the next couple of weeks.
Jacksonville Jaguars (4-4) - When I first saw them, I really wasn't all that impressed with their offensive tactics. The whole team can be very hot and cold and sometimes can't find the "clutch button" when most necessary. The running game is very good, but can the defense stop that stuff? Uhh, get back to me on that one. The workload is going to be heavy in the second half, so buckle up, Jags. One last thing, your mascot knows how to catch a field goal really well.
Houston Texans (4-4) - Man, I had so much faith in these guys, especially after taking down Indy and the 'Skins in Weeks 1 and 2, respectively. Then they became human after an awesome performance going back from preseason. The defense isn't what it should be at all, and if they're way off the page when the offense is doing their job, there's going to be some massive problems. So much for the all-Texas Super Bowl, Hank Hill.

West Division
Kansas City Chiefs (5-3) - Matt Cassel and the gang know how to get the guys up the field, but can they capitalize? Can they all work together in unison? Most of the time. Now that they have a hot silver flame up their behinds, things could get ugly real quick. They have a below-average looking team setup coming along in the second half, so cockiness might try to creep up when least expected. Get at 'em, "chefs!"
Oakland Raiders (5-4) - Oakland's offense...oh man. Remember when I said the Titans had an explosive offense? How about a 59-14 embarrassment from a few weeks back? Right. These guys will be giving the Chiefs a real problem since they've come alive after a couple of minor setbacks. I'd like to see these guys back in the playoff picture yet again.
San Diego Chargers (4-5) - Don't let the stats fool you. They're close to the top in just about everything, but injuries are just about killing them from every end of the spectrum. It's a real shame. They had good stuff in the palms of their hands last year, and now they're stuck in the middle of so many teams just angry at each other. They're kind of like the voice of reason in the group of friends that gets stuck in the unnecessary drama and gets tossed around even though they're good-hearted and have good intentions. Let's feel sorry for the Bolts for a little bit. ... ... Okay, that's enough. Get well soon, men.
Denver Broncos (2-6) - Trust me, Don Martindale might not have an idea what he's doing back there with the defense because there are so many problems with the defense stopping runs. What, does nobody like the idea of running on this team at all? There's nothing wrong with Kyle Orton's lead at QB (or Tim Tebow's cheerleading) and if they can't stop the next few teams, problems are going to surface in the manager sector.

Wow. That was fun. I never thought I would write so much about football, but I did it. Hope you enjoyed it, and check out the next installment once 2011 rolls around.

--AZ

The End of Eras

As the Major League Baseball season finally came to a close this past week, I'd like to take the time out to talk about four old men who have finally decided to call it quits in The Show. These men--Joe Torre (for now...), Bobby Cox, Lou Piniella, and Cito Gaston--have been huge men in the business for years, and now it is their time to just golf...and fish...and attempt to get on television as baseball analysts. Retirement sounds like a dirty word to these guys, but three of the four are in their late sixties, and Torre is already the big 7-0. How are we going to remember them? Easy. In humor.

Joe Torre
Supremacist of Yankees (and some Dodgers and Mets and Cardinals) folklore.
You knew how to talk up a Subway series.  
Not only could you talk a big game, you could certainly play a big game yourself in your day.
As a cancer survivor, you can say that you've won the World Series ten times over.
You carried a flame not just for the Olympic Games, but also for the men whose lives you have touched in your career in baseball.
Hey, if this whole "retirement" thing doesn't work out, you could always take up acting. You're pretty good at it, you know.

Bobby Cox
You're a man who fought for your boys. Sometimes we feel like your bench coach did more managing time than you did at some points.
As a leader of a dynasty in the 1990's, you knew how to make things click on all cylinders.
Although your own fielding career was short, you made a name for yourself in the dugout--and in the clubhouse.
After 2,500 wins, well over 100 ejections, and numerous playoff runs, you have called in quits, and the Braves organization will not be the same without you.

Lou Piniella
Ah, Sweet Lou. Sweet, sweet Lou.
You're another man who fought for his boys, and to be honest, you were quite colorful about it too.
Another man with a long on-field career, you made your way to the dugout to lead. Those rides were bumpy at times, but you did what you could.
You also took the time to make a trip to the broadcasting booth. Your wit and figurative language were so much it actually got a guy fired. [Dead serious, wiki that.]
You told us that dope was dope, and you liked to act and make fun of yourself as well.
Although you stepped down before the season ended, you still went out with a bang--a really, really huge loss.

Cito Gaston
A real reason to "fear the 'stache."
You're an example of a comeback kid, returning as Toronto's manager after ten years of...stuff.
Another thing, you're a ladies man too. Heck, you've been married three times, I think that's enough.
You had your ups and downs in your career and have dealt with controversies, but you've survived about 98.9% of them.
You make Canadians appreciate baseball. That really means A LOT.

To you four men: Godspeed, and may your futures may be filled with lots of hobbies. Maybe we'd like your opinions and appearances again someday.

--AZ

It's All About the Tunes!

For those of you that follow me on Twitter (@sportsnutblogs in case if you were wondering) you know how I constantly put on YouTube links of old school sports video games or fun pieces of music that I listen to while I write these entries. Because I feel that sound complements heavy visual attractions in several ways, I find it only fitting to talk about some of the most memorable sports themes that we have heard over time. By themes, I don't mean fight songs, but the themes to the sporting events that we watch on television. Sure, I like bone-jarring montages as much as the next guy, but since I'm a sucker for different musical effects, the music makes the scene. Sometimes, I might even have them on my iPod while I'm at the gym. Too much information there, but it's true.

Because I'm very partial and I don't like picking favorites, I'm going to list my Top 15 Favorite Sports Show Themes--In no particular order. Let's DO THIS. UUNH!

1. ESPN Sunday Night Football (2001-2004)
They also called this the "theme of the sirens" or something like that. For some reason, it made the whole concept of the Sunday night game that more intense and manly. I know, I'm the last person to talk about manly stuff, so humor me here. It almost makes you wanna go street on someone and break a few ribs, right?

2. MLB on CBS (1990-1993)
It just makes the atmosphere so much more exciting. To think of all of the legends that played around the time that this theme was used. You almost think of seeing a postseason montage along with it. I think another outlet still uses this in some way, because I remember hearing it a while ago. But anyway, it brings out the magic of the game and how exciting it can truly be.

3. NBA on NBC
DUDE. You have no idea. I don't even like basketball all that much, and this still pumps me up and makes me want to watch some epic slam dunk action. It's very street-synth, and it really fits the sport that it's presenting for. It even sounds like there's some cowbell in there. You know what that means...

4. Olympics Theme Song
As soon as you hear the tympani, it could either be one of two things: Darth Vader or the Olympics. Then the happy horns come in and you're like "YEAH! GO TEAM (insert country name here)!" And then your brain is mindlessly sucked into events and coverage you wouldn't ever dream of watching outside of the Olympic games for two whole weeks. That's where the power of the theme comes in. You hear it, and you either embrace the spirit or you run away from it because it's taking away your favorite NBC programming for a little while.

5. MLB World Series/All Star Game on FOX (2007-2009)
I like this for pretty much the same reason as the MLB on CBS theme. It makes it sound magical. Why they stopped using it this year is beyond me. I don't want to feel like I'm watching sports convergence where there's a baseball game with the NFL on FOX theme going on. That really bugged me this year. All I can say is when I hear this it takes me back to when I watched Game 5 of the 2008 World Series and they were restarting the game after the super long rain delay and all you see is a sea of red with everyone swinging white rally towels in the crowd. That was really cool and incredibly fitting. Shoot, I can watch it whenever I want. I have it on DVD. (ha ha ha)

6. Hockey Night in Canada (Original)
Don't get me wrong, I like the newer one too, but I feel like this one personifies the atmosphere on the ice and just makes you want to pick up a stick and check some people. Also, the first time I heard this I wanted to pick up a game paddle and play some old school hockey game on an emulator. It's got the guitars too that just makes you visualize the anticipation for the game--you see the Zamboni go up and down the ice and you're like "C'MON ALREADY, EH!!" Canada is fun to talk about. I should do this more often.

7. Monday Night Football
YEAH! FOOTBALLL!! AMERICANO!!!!! Did you really think I wasn't going to mention this? Sure, I'm not the biggest football fan in America, but I absolutely love this theme. I can just imagine these die hard fans just doing the slow-walk to their bathroom mirrors, putting on the eye black and beads with feeling, and then running to the couch with their beer and cheese puffs. This theme is just an American (and whatever other country) staple when you think of football, and boy, does it never fail to disappoint people when they have a "case of the Mondays."

8. NFL on FOX
Whomever made this theme should get a high five. The horns and bells just work so well with the whole concept of the strategy and physicality of the sport. It could also get you really nervous when your team is down by 7 with the 2-minute warning coming up in the 4th Quarter and no timeouts left. That is what the NFL on FOX theme is all about. It's about that rush you get when you watch it week in and week out during football season, regardless of what team is playing.

9. MLB on TBS
Basically, this theme to me just speaks: "Yeah, I'm here, and I'm way more talented than you." It also brings up some lively memories of postseason ball as well. This is what you could consider being the polar opposite of the other "magical" themes that I've already mentioned. This is like a football-caliber theme for a baseball program but still has the strings to encourage that magic that baseball has to offer.

10. ESPN College Basketball
It completely fits a college setting. It's got that band horn effect and I absolutely LOVE that. Like I mentioned earlier, I normally don't watch basketball, but NCAA is an exception to that rule. The school spirit pretty much wins me over, and the music gets me into the school-y setting of it all. I actually wrote a blog entry on why I enjoy NCAA over NBA many many months ago...like around the time I started the blog (I think the entry was written in lieu of March Madness, so yes, it's toward the way beginning when I had no niche of blogging).

11. NFL on CBS
I'm probably not the first to say this, but the NFC is to the AFC as the NFL on FOX theme is to the NFL on CBS theme. It's like rival themes duking it out. Which one I enjoy more, I can't say. Of course, there's less drumming and stomping to this one but has more horns and urgency tacked onto it. This theme almost makes it feel like one team is getting monstrously blown out by the other team and the losing team's fans are like, "okay, we'll slave to you winners for today."

12. College Football on CBS
This is about 100 times more upbeat than the NFL themes, and it has that magical school spirit-like feeling along with it. It's going along the lines of: "Okay boys, you're on a quest, and this quest will not be easy. However, we've worked hard for all of this. You see that lineman? That's your least favorite professor; now go out there and win one for the (whatever the mascot is) nation! HOOT HOOT HOOT HOOT!" I also stupidly think of the movie Rudy when I hear this. So irrelevant, I know.
(PS - I also think of the Army/Navy game when I hear this. This annual game is kind of a big deal in Philadelphia since it's played at Lincoln Financial Field every December. GO NAVY.)

13. NHL on FOX (1994-1995, 1998-1999)
MORTAL KOMBAAAAT!!! Wait, what? I'm serious! That's exactly what this theme sounds like. It makes the NHL sound so much more dangerous and violent than it really is. However, during the time that it was used, I think the NHL was rather desperate because they were faltering at the time and they needed a big draw from the adult audience who thought that this sport was an attempt for the Canadians to take over the world. Our society likes violence for some dumb reason, and I guess a Mortal Kombat-sounding theme somewhat did the trick. It wasn't like that for very long.

14. UEFA Champions League Theme Song
Let's get this straight: yes, it doesn't sound "manly," and it has an orchestral background. Here's the significance behind this (to me at least): the UEFA Champions League is like the Olympics of club soccer conferences around Europe. Certain elite teams have the honor and privilege to walk up the steps of the church of greatness and play on the highlighted pitch. Almost like a "Clash of the Titans" theme set. Could you imagine Cristiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi wearing solider armor and swords while riding on horses? Picture that in your head. It's like you're watching Braveheart without the Mel Gibson and with a lot more kicking. I sound like my hero Ray Hudson now. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not.

15. NFL Thursday Night Football
What automatically comes to mind when I hear the bells is: "It's crunch time." Just imagine your significant other getting the chip bowl ready and your buddies are coming over and you're like "YEAH! I'm gonna win that bet," and there is so much on the line when the game is on. It has a nice exciting build, and I like that. I almost feel like they wrote it with Christmas in mind. It's like Jerome Bettis having a lovechild with Mannheim Steamroller or something.


...and that would be about it from me. I know there are many more out there that are fun to listen to, but these are the ones that catch my ear more often than others. Which ones do you like or dislike?

I bet Hank Williams Jr. approves of my list.

Yeah, he does.

--AZ

Happy Halloween! - The Tim Lincecum Pro-stume

Note: For those who have no idea why I use the title "Pro-stume," it is a mix of the words "project" and "costume." End of commentary.

Okay, so firstly, I wish all of you a happy and safe Halloween night. Since I'm an oldhead, I've been relegated to giving out candy to young kids who don't really deserve it because they abuse the sugar privilege much like how some adults abuse alcohol. But that's enough of that.
The big reason why I'm writing on a chilly night like this is because of the little idea that I had around this time a week and a half ago while watching the NLCS on FOX [on mute].

After watching Game 4 of the NLCS and seeing all of the camera cuts they were making on Tim Lincecum, I had a stroke of genius. I started thinking "HEY! I have the same exact hair length that he does! If they were whistling at him in Philly as if he was a female, then maybe I should be onto something!" And the idea was born. I was going to dress as Giants ace Tim Lincecum for Halloween. I was fully aware that I was not going to be able to go to my school's Halloween Dance or go trick-or-treating, but the challenge alone would give me some entertainment and some stress relief as I made the costume.

Saturday, October 23 - I drove to a craft store with a friend to pick up some items for the occasion. Let's be honest, there was no point in me ordering a Lincecum tee-shirt and a Giants cap for $35+ on MLBShop where I can make my own fake merchandise at a way more inexpensive price. In all, I wound up spending a little over $10 for my stuff. I finally get home, and the project began. I started printing "stencils" out, and started drawing on the hat with an orange paint fabric pen and then tee-shirt as well as highlighting the lettering on the shirt with my squeezing fabric paint bottle.

After about three hours and a clinching victory, I had created these items:

 

 

Not too shabby for someone who isn't artsy, eh?

Friday, October 29 - The test day. Since I live in Philadelphia, the city that is still recovering from a postseason defeat and recovering from the Eagles' massive troubles going into a bye week, I was skeptical. To hide my identity, I wore my friend-famed aviators and drove up to school. Believe me, I was stared at several times on campus, but no vocal dissents were to be heard. My music ministry director thought I was dressed as a "Giants fan" which I guess can be considered close enough to what I was aiming for. My close friends got a kick out of what I did, and that felt good on the inside. To even poke more fun at what I did, I brought a right-handed glove and ball with me (I felt backwards with it since I'm left-handed) as well as a fake marijuana blunt. I did this to joke on Lincecum's marijuana possession charges from around the same time last year.

TODAY - I wore the shirt to work and put the hat and aviators on after my shift. A co-worker claimed that "I only did it for the hair," which is partially true. But since I haven't made a costume in about four years, I thought that it was about high time that I challenged myself and caught some people's attention with it. While giving out candy to trick-or-treaters, I got a lot of "Giants suck" comments and "that's not right"-related sayings from parents while giving their kids candy. Note that I didn't have the fake blunt on me this whole time; that was just a joke for Friday. But at any rate, I felt comfortable in what I did. I had a lot of fun this weekend.

And now...photos. You'll finally get to see what I look like. (No hooray here.) I will not show the picture of me taken on Friday since I'm making an offensive joke to a professional athlete and I don't promote the practice of what is represented. I'm like C.J. Wilson...I'm "straightedge." Dead serious.

Aaaaand here we are:

 

 I didn't add the orange effects. The room I was in was dark and had orange window lights. I thought it was a nice touch.

The makeup job I did was brutal. I paled my face out, darkened my eyebrows, and added emphasis on my nose and apples of my cheeks.

 

Don't worry. I got all of it off.

And that was my weekend in a nutshell.

Now...back to drafting my writings as usual. Schoolwork too.

--AZ

A Eulogy Fit for an Eight-Legged Mindfreak

(background music)

A few months ago, I decided to write an entry about the wondrous mystery that was Paul the Octopus. Today, he has left for the great beyond to make predictions and eat his boxed meals for another Higher Power. His stay on Earth may not have been a welcome one for many soccer fans around the globe, but whatever he did...he was good at it.

There are some that say he might not have understood what was going on and just happened to be on the side of coincidence; others claim that he was proof that animals may have a conscience and liked to mess with people's minds. With the posters and other items that people brought to games during the World Cup, you could tell he was taken seriously by many fans. Let's not forget how big of a religion this sport is in many parts of the world.


...Obviously, he wasn't.

Maybe he didn't like the retirement? He didn't make the choice to retire, after all. This might have been his final resort to leave the cruel planet and continue his journey of predictions and unprecedented wisdom. Take it from me, it isn't all that fun when you can't speak out an voice an opinion sometimes. Then again, he may have been humbled by the zookeepers' needs to protect him from the critics and the fans that loved to hate him. Aside from those who hated him, the people around him knew how special he really was. They love him so much that they're going to cremate him--not serve him in a sushi bar. What he did during his short time on Earth may have been a fluke, but his caretakers and his visitors saw him as an animal with true grit with a load on the undersea brain.

I hope they have the fish he likes in the place where he's going to.
Soccer fans and commentators alike are going to miss this guy whether they liked or hated. Not because he was different, but he gave us more to ponder about, whether it was knowledge, premonitions, or even what we don't realize what we have until it's gone.

RIP Paul the Octopus (January 2008 - October 26, 2010)
I won't ever look at calamari the same way again.

--AZ

AZ's Slant on Sunday - Texas Toast vs. The San Francisco Treat

Earthquakes vs. Dust Storms

Ahhhnold vs. George W. Bush
Bill & Sue vs. Chuck & Nolan

The Bay vs. The Alamo

CUE STANDOFF

Here we are, folks. This is for all of the marbles. Both of last year's top two contenders went down this year, and the teams that beat them will now meet here. The best teams from the west. What are we going to see?

We're going to see pitching. Lots and lots of pitching. Shoot, one of the owners was a pitcher during his time in the majors. Duels, Texas style? YES. OF COURSE. With guns like Cliff Lee, Tim Lincecum, Barry Zito, C.J. Wilson, Brian Wilson, Neftali Feliz, and many more, we're going to see a lot of strategy and a lot of whiffs as well. In a game of pitching, you need smart hitting, and definitely smart running. It's like Risk. No, more like Battleship. At any rate, we have some big bats to accompany the stellar pitching. Championship series MVP's Cody Ross and Josh Hamilton have shown their strength by hitting home runs off of aces as if they were getting pitches from minor league guys. Aside from these two, small ball has gotten the job done as other players have been sparing with the extra-base hits.

"Curses" have plagued these two teams for a very long time. The Giants has [this is grammatically correct] not won a World Series since 1954--when they were still in New York. The last time they had made it to The Show was in 2002, in which they lost to a team who had never won a World Series before: The Anaheim Angels. Will this be the same case, as the Rangers are new to this stage as well? The Rangers have been defying the odds since their Game 5 win against the Rays in the ALDS. They have made it to the divisional series (and Championship series before 1994) only to lose and never advance for a fight to win a pennant. They finally did that on Friday, and now they'll be looking to scratch their name off of an infamous list that they share with the Mariners and Expos/Nationals.

Wednesday will be the start of an all-out war of two teams that have proven themselves worthy of being named World Champs. Will you be a part of the showdown in the Wild Wild West?

You want my opinion on who will win? I dare not say. Did anyone see who I called to win? I was only right with one bracket. That was it. Okay, fine. Rangers in 6. Now go enjoy your football games.

--AZ

The Wayne Rooney Post.

Already, most Americans who don't watch soccer or ESPN and are reading this entry are going, "WHO?"

C'mon, it's already a known fact that Manchester United isn't "America's team" and that Americans refer to their version of football as the NFL. For the uninformed, I will help by filling you in on who this man is.
Music please...

Wayne Rooney, born on October 24, 1985, is a forward for the English football club Manchester United. He first made his professional debut in 2002 with Everton and quickly caught the attention of football fans around the circuit. In 2003, he joined the Manchester United squad and continued his impact on the sport. 
Since then, he has made appearances with Team England during international competition and has also won numerous titles with the Manchester United club. Despite several injuries that he has sustained, he has been very successful. So successful that he would like to move on to another club...! (End music)




Now that we've given him a decent introduction, it's high time that I explain why I'm writing about this "stud." It appears that he does not wish to continue with Manchester United and would like to leave the team. Sir Alex Ferguson, their "skipper" as you will, seems rather put aside by this because Rooney is a huge part of the team and is a huge face of the club. But this is the big deal here: according to sources, just a few months ago Rooney was in good shape with the club and claimed that he was very happy with where he was. So it feels as if he just happened to have a change of heart in a short period of time and wants to go where the grass looks much greener.

However, when he leaves, he's going to be taking assorted problems with him. He has shown that he's rather prone to injury, and has also shown that he has a bit of a temper to go around when he's provoked. But wait...there's more! He has also been under fire for allegations of infidelity and having very wayward teenage years--you know, those times when you... [Oh, how do I put this in a nicer and PG-formatted way?] would "like to experiment" and all of that business. So of course, his personal life has been a subject that the European sports media has been preying on and off of over the course of a few months (maybe even years since I don't live in the UK and almost never hear of things like this). It's hard to really take a side on this topic, because regardless of how well you know the him through watching him on television or reading an online news story, you don't exactly know him personally. And believe me, we should all know how the media likes to sensationalize certain things. Okay, he's publicly admitted that he had done some bad things when he was younger, but he's a changed man, and he's looking to fix himself, or so we think.

In the case of playing with Manchester United and now requesting to leave the team, it's like being in a failing relationship. Externally, he might really enjoy what he's doing and says that he's happy but doesn't exactly mean it. Internally, it might only be messing his focus up and decaying his happiness of not just himself, but other things that he loves outside of his profession, such as his wife and child. It would make a lot of sense if he was only saying things that people wanted him to say just to prevent any upset or false allegations of management issues or egotistical matters. Then again, he has had injury issues as of late, and his benching may have just fueled the fire on his wanting out of the club. He also has the chip on his shoulder of the creeping infidelity accusations. Heck, his request to leave the club might even be a ruse to hide something even bigger that he doesn't want to be publicized.

If I may add, Sir Alex is taking this rather well, and he's making sure that his point gets out that he's doing the best he can in order to maintain stability in the club and to prevent any massive falling out with Rooney.

If and when he leaves, he's going to be scouted by many other big-name teams in Europe like Chelsea and Real Madrid [hello, Cristiano!], and during that time he's going to attempt to get back into tip-top shape and look "nice and purdy" for the competitors. Yes, it's going to be the end of an era for a lot of people who have watched Manchester United and have seen Rooney in devil red day in and day out, but we'll have to see the outcome of what Wayne thinks is the best option for himself during these tough times.

Let's just hope he doesn't continue doing this and mess up his reputation even more:

 

--AZ